Teams

Stimulus Package

Garage Headquarters: Atlanta, GA

Driver: President Barack Obama or Adam Bethscheider

Mechanics: Aaron Betik, David Clapper, Mas Fukumoto, Greg Fulmer

Nuts and Bolts:

Aaron Betik, captain of Team Stimulus Package, is holding a press conference to announce the identity of his team’s driver. Let’s listen in: “We have submitted a request to the White House on President Obama’s availability to drive the Stimulus Package. Administration staff is currently working diligently to re-arrange his schedule – addressing issues including Iran, North Korea, the Gaza Strip, global warming, healthcare, the economy, and the Supreme Court nomination – to make him available to participate in the Red Bull Soapbox Race. However, should the President’s schedule conflicts prove to be insurmountable, our backup driver is Adam Bethscheider.”

Nebraska-born Adam is the team’s backup choice not because of his politics, but because of his skills behind the controls (he’s a trained pilot). The pit crew is equally qualified. Since childhood, Aaron has ruled his siblings with an iron fist – motivating four other adult soapbox aficionados will be nothing compared to dominating ten underage Canuks. Detroit resident David Clapper is a tenth-generation autoworker – cars are in his genes. Mas Fukumoto is from that other auto powerhouse, Japan. He was the visionary behind the Stimulus Package concept. Finally, Greg Fulmer didn’t have auto technology – or any kind of technology – in his upbringing. He grew up as a Mennonite in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Greg is no longer practicing the religion, but he did learn a thing or two about working with his hands over all those years, and he’s the chief builder of the team’s soapbox car.

“We teammates met on the campaign trail and were subsequently offered cabinet positions, but we didn’t pass the vetting process,” Aaron claims. “However, the opportunity to channel our commitment to a better America through the worthy cause of the Red Bull Soapbox Race has re-galvanized us, and our efforts are focused on victory.”

Out of character, Aaron explains that the team is building their racer (which combines the irresistible combination of the leader of the free world, a boatload of greenbacks, and some well-endowed tighty whiteys) in Atlanta’s Buckhead neighborhood, where last year they handcrafted a vessel that took fourth place at the East Atlanta Soap Box Derby. On race day, their pit area will serve as a “campaign headquarters,” where John Q. Public can receive “Stimulus Package giveaways.” Aaron states, “What better way to win than the good old-fashioned bribe?”